you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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