wat bout pragnant strippers??
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
