i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
