Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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