You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
