Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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