I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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