okay pat passed out under dana's car
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
