her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
