hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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