Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
