all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize