mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
