Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
