My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
