He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
