I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
50% drunk capacity currently
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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