I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
