I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
