I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
