I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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