chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
