I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh god it's open bar.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
