I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
