What did we do last night that was yellow?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
