Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
