so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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