Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
