as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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