She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
