I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
