Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
