wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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