fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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