you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
