There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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