the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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