so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
