when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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