My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
