why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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