just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
