Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
