I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
