He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
