so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
