THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
