I should be sponsored by Trojan
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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