i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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