i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
