remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
There's even glitter on my cock...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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