I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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